Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize