You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
