Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
