Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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