I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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