Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
