If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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