sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
