I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
