I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
