the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
