i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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