the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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