I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
