It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
