a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
