pop tarts are not kleenex
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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