Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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