my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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