I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
