We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
