Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
