Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
