Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
