I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
