i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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