you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
