.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
