Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
