he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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