No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
