All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
