I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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