You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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