so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
