Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
