yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we made out on top of his cat.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
