I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
