Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
