Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just come out here and I will go home with you...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
