Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize