I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
