My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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