My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
