I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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