a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
