Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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