im holly from the hills drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
