i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
