i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry about my life...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
