Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
