I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
