if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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