I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
