i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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