Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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