A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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