ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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