I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
