I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
