i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
