i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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