Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
