i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
