someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
