Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
