Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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