Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
