I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
