I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
