I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
