well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
