Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
