Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
