It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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