Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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