great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
