I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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