so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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