i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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