Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
