I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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