I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
