Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize