If i come over, it means nothing
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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