So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
