his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
