So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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