I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
