I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
