i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
