It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
