Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
