just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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