You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
