she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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