Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she peed on how many people?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
