This is not my ceiling
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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