Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
