So drunk, too bad you don't want this
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
