I just made out with a guy for $7.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
