So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think my moral compass just broke
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
