and you said cock pushups were impossible
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
