Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
