I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
