Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
