How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
bring money and cleavage
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
