I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
