watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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