I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
