CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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